Why I’ve decided to let go and let God… and why you should, too

I know what some of you might be thinking.  

Don’t worry.  This blog post isn’t meant to be a lecture about religion and why you should believe in God, or why my religion is the “right” religion.  I’m not one of your parents, or grandparents, or any other respectable elder who might otherwise do so. 

That’s not my style.  I don’t push and I don’t judge.  But what I will do is let you in on a little secret. 

I grew up in a large Catholic family and was taught to obey the Ten Commandments to the best of my abilities, learned how to pray the rosary at a very young age, received a catholic education all the way through high school, and even learned and memorized my favorite Bible verses.  

Right now, however, I am struggling to remember those Bible verses that I used to be able to ramble off without a second thought.  I’m struggling to remember the lessons inherently embedded in the stories and parables of the bible.  And this is really discouraging.  

Like many people, once college was underway, I fell off the religious bandwagon and jumped ship to the crooning college crowd.  I thought I was invincible and I didn’t need God in my life.  Part of it was due to peer pressure. I didn’t want to be made fun of for my strong faith the way that I was subjected to it in grade school and often times throughout high school.  I wanted to be “cool.”  

That was probably one of the dumbest decisions I’ve ever made.  For a while, I did feel invincible.  I decided I wasn’t going to let myself feel guilty for doing things devout Christians or Catholics might frown down upon.  But that didn’t last very long.  

For quite some time, I began feeling empty.  Up until recently I was often angry, jealous, bitter, lost, or cynical. Those are all pretty negative terms, and although we’ve all had our own personal bouts of pessimism, those feelings were becoming all too common for me.  

I was angry and jealous because I hadn’t yet seen success like many of my peers in their post-graduate lives.  I was cynical because I had one too many bad experiences in my relationships.  I was jealous because everyone else around me seemed to be incessantly happy, swooning and screeching and blabbing about their perfect little lives.  

And I started to hate it.  I really hated it. I didn’t want to be an angry person anymore.  And although I channeled that negative energy into my own form of humorous sarcasm, there was still something missing.  

While I had been told by many that my cynical humor was entertaining, I wasn’t sure if I took it as a compliment or not.  Why?  Because it didn’t change the fact that I had still actually morphed into a seriously jaded cynic.  

So, I decided to take my father’s long standing advice to make the personal choice to be happy.  Happiness is a CHOICE. It is not solely brought on by success or friends or money or relationships.  It starts on the inside.  

To make that choice, however, I realized I needed God on my side.  I began consistently going back to church, but I generally attended by myself.  I wanted to redevelop my faith in my own way rather than it quickly being shoveled back upon me.  

I needed time.  And my parents understood, despite the innocent efforts of my mother to weasel relative subject matters into our daily conversations.  I can’t blame her;  she just wants the best for me.   

  

I started to pray in little ways.  I am like my father.  I’d much rather take a few moments to reflect and ask God for the strength, courage, and guidance to make the right decisions throughout my day rather than devote a block of time for a rosary or a chaplet (although it really doesn’t take as long as you might think). 

There were times when I’d even ask my mother to help me pray because I don’t feel like I’m very good at it myself.  

I began accepting my current state of life and embracing who I was and the current career path I was traveling.  While I often grew frustrated and impatient, I kept holding onto faith that my success and happiness would come in due time. 

I had faith.  I had hope.  I trusted in the Lord.  

And that’s when it hit me.  My attitude and perspective had completely changed.  I was happy.  I was content.  Three months ago, I wouldn’t have been able to say that.  Today I can say that because I’ve decided to let go and let God lay out the path of my life.

I still have my doubts.  I still often grow wary and wonder if my decision to attend grad school was worth it. I worry that my ultimate goal to become a community college professor will even come to fruition. I worry what might happen if it doesn't work out.  But that's all normal.  I have God on my side when I need to turn to Him. 

My faith still needs a lot of work.  I am not perfect and I have a LONG way to go.  I want to crack open the bible and begin re-learning the morals that had once been expounded upon in my elementary and high school religion classes.  

So, for those of you who may feel “lost” in your current state of life, or confused, or jealous, or just completely numb or empty, perhaps you might like to let go of the steering wheel and allow God to guide your path.  “Jesus take the wheel” wasn’t a number one hit for nothing, right?  

It’s not giving up.  Rather, it’s having faith. 

 The choice is yours. 

“With God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3: 5-6).

~Elizabeth