Where's the sincerity in Facebook Thank You's?

My last post regarding Internet self-disclosure seemed to be quite enjoyable by many of my friends so I thought I'd follow up with some more insights regarding the cybernetic era our generation is often so succumbed by.  

I'd first like to start by making a similar disclaimer like my last article, that being, that I am sometimes just as guilty as those individuals to which the following blog denotes.   And perhaps writing about it and publishing my insights might be an effort to help others as my reflections on the matter have also helped me.

So, first things first.  What the HELL ever happened to sending genuine notes and thank you letters via snail mail?!  I'm not saying it doesn't exist at all anymore, but the ratio of Facebook notes/letters to handwritten cards is oddly skewed.

 "I know I made an effort to comment on everyone's posts, but in case I missed anyone, thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!  It meant so much."

"Thank you to everyone who came out to my party as well as to those who sent warm wishes.  It's great to know how many friends I have!" 

The aforementioned posts are quotes we might often see while scrolling the newsfeed in regards to special events like birthdays, housewarming parties, showers, condolences, etc.

While it is convenient and very easy to type up a quick note for a bajillion eyes to see, I can't help but think everything genuine about it is completely lost. 

Don't get me wrong.  I've done it too. It's not like we are going to write individual letters to the range of 100 to 1,000 friends who found it necessary to post happy birthday on our timelines.  That'd be ridiculous! 

But let's get to the bigger picture here.  First of all, I'm willing to bet that AT LEAST half of those birthday posts come from people you barely know or don't even talk to anymore.  For instance, I've had people post on my timeline who didn't even make an effort to talk to me, let alone LIKE me, in high school but suddenly their happy birthday post on my timeline apparently suggests otherwise.  Um, no thanks.  At least call or send me a text for Christ's sake.

Now, I know Facebook is a way to stay in touch with people who may have moved away or who you may have grown out of consistent touch with, so a nice gesture here and there on Facebook is okay.  That's a different story. 

But what about something bigger?  Say... a wedding shower.  Baby shower. Funeral. Housewarming party. 

If you're planning on sending a mass thank you note regarding the attendees/guests of your event, or the people who gave and sent condolences for a tragic loss, then think again.  It is not exactly sincere, genuine, or even smart in my opinion.  

Take the time to write a nice letter, seal 'er up in the envelope, slap on a stamp, and send 'er on its way.  I know we're all busy, but the time it takes to hand-write a letter means so much more than the few seconds it takes to type up a mass Facebook post. On the other hand, I know stationary expenses can add up, so if it's an issue, pick up the phone and have a nice little chat!

Now, if you want to write up a mass Facebook or twitter post and respond individually to the individuals who wrote on your timeline IN ADDITION to a handwritten letter, then by all means, knock yourself out. 

So before you tackle your long list of thank you's, consider Facebook being a SECONDARY message medium rather than the PRIMARY source.  You'll more than likely earn a lot more respect from just about anyone who cares to carry on the traditions of our forefathers. 

Stay classy, my friends. 

~Elizabeth

Internet Self-Disclosure. Too much, too fast?

I am a bit wary as I consider publishing all of the thoughts so jumbled up in my brain, because as I prepare to explain my perspectives through writing, I know that I am just as guilty as everyone that the following blog denotes. 

And that is… Facebook/Twitter junkies.  

But before I begin, I will assure you that you will actually learn a thing or two about communication and theory (I promise it’s not long-winded and I promise it’s quite interesting). 

Something I often joke about is that social-media ruins lives.  (Was that actually one of my Twitter statuses the other day?  Yes, yes it was...) 

Okay, maybe it doesn't ruin lives to an extreme degree. (Or does it?)  But, think about it.  For those of us—including myself—who have been “sucked” in to the world of cyberspace, we all too often waste hours of our time and energy on social networking sites. 

Let us consider the notion of self-disclosure.  Traditionally, anyone who was willing to listen to us about anything personal below all surface-level communication was lucky enough to consider himself or herself a close friend.  

Now, let us fast forward to contemporary America.  

Why is it that individuals have become so willing to share intimate personal information?  Is it becoming more common for strangers or acquaintances to engage in such cherished self-disclosure?  Has our world become too entwined in releasing intimate, inappropriate, or unnecessary information into cyberspace just for the attention?  

As I have become more and more educated on communication theory and communicative aspects throughout my undergraduate and graduate career, I’ve come to notice that several of these questions, if not all of them, hold some truth. 

Let us dive into the ever-expanding world of Facebook (Twitter can apply all the same).  

 I remember when I first jumped on the bandwagon.  I abandoned my MySpace (does anyone use MySpace anymore???) account and quickly joined the “cool” crowd of cyberspace, and, for months, it seems I was addicted to it—much like a majority of the population.  I then entered a bout of Facebook-hating-boycotting-and-bashing dry spell, and now I have succumbed to its power all over again.

Before I get into my fit of Facebook/Twitter-bashing, let us consider some of the positive aspects of social networking sites.  

Not only has Facebook become a great way to maintain relationships by keeping in touch with distant friends and family, but individuals have had opportunities to create and build relationships as well. 

Here comes the learning part. According to the Social Information Processing Theory, often cited in the literature on CMC (computer-mediated communication), individuals can develop their relationships just as effectively as in face-to-face interactions. 

Thus, the notion that Facebook has helped individuals effectively build and maintain relationships is a valid assumption.  After all, my pre-conceived notions that computer-mediated communication couldn’t hold its own compared to live personal interactions were quickly silenced when I became submerged in my own Internet Affair.  (Not literally an “affair” but I will admit that I’ve developed and maintained one or two very close relationships primarily due to cybernetic outlets).  But that’s a whole new story, maybe for another time.  

Let us consider however, some of the issues that come with the territory of being an avid Facebook user.  But first, one more quick lesson on another communication theory: Social Penetration Theory suggests that individuals gradually develop strong interpersonal relationships through breadth and depth of self-disclosure. Like an onion, we peel back one layer at a time and eventually develop close interpersonal relationships with others. 

When considering the aspects of computer-mediated communication, it is a valid assumption to consider that Facebook (or any other medium of social networking) allows for such a gradual development of interpersonal relationships as well.

 However, is this theory also being violated in similar ways that many people are experiencing in their own daily lives? Perhaps people are disclosing too much information to strangers and acquaintances way to fast?!  I’m willing to bet that this has happened to you at one point or another.   

In an all-encompassing and ever-growing technological world, it seems to me that Facebook has become an individual outlet for purging one’s inner-most intense emotions.  When we log into Facebook, we are immediately subjected to a homepage of numerous status updates—updates which seem to have evolved into individuals’ personal diaries. 

Perhaps [some] people are too quickly peeling away their superficial layers (of an onion, remember?) and plunging into such intimate facets of their personal lives online as well.  Is the ability to build and maintain successful relationship online being compromised by such an overload of personal information?

What about Facebook messenger? Any “strangers” or acquaintances self-disclosing a bit too fast to your liking? Or even against your will?

Are individuals, or more severely, business professionals, being turned away by such inappropriate written comments?  Although I am a strong advocate for Facebook and other social networking sites being an effective medium for relationship maintenance and even advertising or marketing, I’d also have to admit that I’d confirm the inquiries above.

While I peruse the homepage of my Facebook account right now, there are several long-winded (and quite ridiculous, may I add) statuses that I could use as an example of overload of personal information.  And, even if the updates aren’t intimately related, some statuses are just so complex that it has become a cyberspace battle just to gain the most comments.

 Isn’t that what the purpose of status updates are, anyway—to reel in comments from the public?         
   

In fact, it seems those individuals who update their statuses multiple times a day (Twitter-like, may I say?) are often quite self-absorbed.  

Okay, before I am judged for being a hypocrite, I will admittedly say that I do it too (my last 23 or so comments were probably about working out or my current mood toward graduate school--or even 5 different selfies of my new blue glasses), and I call myself out on it every day.  But yet, I am still sucked in! What has happened to me?

Perhaps I’ve turned this explanation into a negative, condemning elaboration of what Facebook has become.  But, what ever happened to the website simply being used to maintain our interpersonal relationships?

I think we need to reevaluate the purpose of Facebook; I think we need to reconsider the degree to which we develop our interpersonal relationships.  

Remembering the concepts of the Social Penetration Theory, maybe we need to take a step back and build our relationships more slowly and appropriately—both in the personal contexts as well as online—and, I’d be willing to bet that we’d be much more likely to win more friends and positively influence more people. (Credit to Dale Carnegie for the choice of words)

~ Elizabeth 

Is your life "a walk to remember"?

“It’s like the wind.  I can’t see it but I can feel it.  I feel wonder, beauty, joy, love.  It’s some of everything.”

This is just one of the many great quotes (which may not be exactly accurate—my book is currently MIA in my Nicholas Sparks collection on my closet shelf) spoken by Jamie Sullivan’s character in the heartstring-tugging story “A Walk to Remember.” 

I am going to assume that anyone reading this blog knows exactly what movie I am talking about, but if that is not the case, let me attempt to give a one sentence synopsis:  When Landon—a beloved, popular, preppy bad-boy—is given due punishment after getting in trouble on school property, he gradually, yet unexpectedly, falls in love with the nerdy, unpolished, ostracized, yet big-hearted and faithful preacher's daughter, Jamie Sullivan, who later confesses that she is dying of leukemia.  

I was comfortably sitting on the couch at my brother’s house, babysitting my favorite dog-niece, Tori—who is a VERY high maintenance German Shepherd—beginning my high pile of graduate homework when I saw on the TV guide channel that “A Walk to Remember” was about to start on Lifetime.  I immediately picked up the remote and changed the channel, but soon enough I felt guilty for indulging in television and avoiding my graduate-student duties for the third day in a row.  

And that’s when I realized what really matters.  While I am working hard on my post-graduate path to my desired career, I know what the most important things are in my life: not movies or books or other materialistic things, but the bigger, abstract, inspirational meanings inside of them--the reminder of the special, genuine relationships that we hold close to our hearts. 

So, I settled down, pulled over the wool blanket, and enjoyed one of my favorite stories for about the twenty-seventh time since it became a major motion picture, all the while crying--and then smiling as far as my grin would reach my ears--and then crying again over and over and over.  

Nicholas Sparks is hands down my favorite author, not just because I am a hopeless romantic but because his stories are so real, raw, emotion-laden, and magical.  But before I start rambling about my stark obsession for Nicholas Sparks and his books, let’s get down the real point.  Here are some of the things that I reflect upon when watching this movie.  

LOVE and RESPECT.  The two words go hand in hand yet carry a vast, infinite meaning.  Before Landon was inspired by Jamie to be a better man, he belonged to a group of friends who were superficial and found gratitude in making fun of others who were unalike them in any way.  Sometimes, however, it takes being inspired by a special someone to truly put love and respect into action.  

This movie reminds me that chivalry is not all dead even in this contemporary America we live in.  I know I am often succumbed by dangerously high levels of cynicism—partially due to some of my own personal experiences and those of my close friends—but I have faith that every man and woman is inherently and morally “good”... in all sense of such a simple term.  

I know a common rationalization for today’s dating behaviors is that the world is changing.  “Times are different.”  “It is the 21^st century, we aren’t old fashioned anymore.”  

While there is legitimacy and truth to these statements, it doesn’t necessarily mean we have to completely discount the integrity, values, and respectable behaviors that men and women did for each other before contemporary America began brainwashing generation Y individuals.  

Don’t get me wrong.  There’s  some really great things about modern-day society—such as the advancements in technology, although it can also be quite detrimental to relational maintenance—which is a whole new topic appropriate for another day’s reflection.  

But let us consider some of the adorable, sweet, chivalrous gestures made by Landon in the presence of Jamie.  Take the first date for example:  After a romantic dinner, Landon and Jamie danced under the stars—not grinding up on each other at a club that we so often see among couples in today’s definition of a meet-cute.   Even more adorable, is that fact that Landon later asked his mother for dance lessons so he could make up for his lack of skills the first time.    

Landon then took her to the state-line where she straddled the border to be in two places at once, and later, he gently gave her a paper tattoo on her shoulder—thus allowing her to check off two of the items on her to-do list.  And throughout the story, she checks off many more of her ambitions, both small and large. 

Call me old fashioned, but it’s the true effort taken by men (and women) to court women (or men) and to earn their chance to be a significant contender in their lives. 

It shouldn’t be about hooking up on the first date—or second, or even third—but about developing an emotional connection rather than instant physical intimacy. It is the emotional closeness that makes physical intimacy more genuine, real, special.  Landon fell in love with Jamie for her mind, personality, faith, hope, and all the good things she had to offer.  And, Jamie saw the good in him as well when she so easily could have written him off as an arrogant ass-hat.  

Everyone has a story to tell.  Everyone has something special behind their eyes.  Behind their hair.  Behind their makeup.  Their clothes.  Their job, money, success.   Let’s take the time to figure out those stories before getting into somebody’s pants.  

Isn’t it amazing how a special someone can truly inspire us to reach our full potential--to be the best men or women we can possibly be?  Sometimes on our own we don’t have the ambition to do everything we are utterly capable of, but with a true love in our lives, we find the power, the ambition, the inspiration, to achieve the things we may not have thought possible on our own.  

I guess there really is truth to even the cheesiest quotes like “You complete me”; “You’re my other half”; “You’re my soul-mate.”  

What is unfortunate is that, all too often, it takes heartbreak, a loss, a death—although it may be a miracle—something tragic to occur for us to realize the true importance of life.  Even a tragedy brought together two strangers emotionally aloof and withdrawn from each other's lives—a father and his lost, hurt, estranged son.  That might very well be the part that gets me the most… 

There is a part in the movie where Jamie is in the hospital and gives Landon, who is at her bedside, a book of her favorite quotes as a gift.  One by Dolly Parton reads, “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.” While I am not sure what the future holds for me, I do know this:

I was raised by an amazing family who taught me to respect others and to love deeply.  And I know that one day I will inspire, and be inspired by, someone who desires to share a mutual life of genuine love and happiness. 

As is quoted in Corinthians 13: 4-8a and stated in the movie, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 

I think it is important to read inspiring stories or watch movies like this quite often.  We all need that little reminder—that gentle push—of how we should be living life.  These stories, these moments, all plant a seed in our minds.  It’s up to us—through our attitudes, our behaviors—to grow our own garden in this crazy thing called life.  The question is whether or not we will choose to make our lives a true walk to remember.  

~Elizabeth  

What [most] people will never understand about being an identical twin

If you don’t already know me or haven’t taken the prior opportunity to read my initial blog or my about me section, I have an identical twin sister, Amy.  Amy is a nurse, attending online classes part time to earn her bachelors of nursing, has her own house, brand new car, and is very successful.  Those who personally know us would probably admit that we are more different than we are alike, although we do possess many of the same qualities and attitudes toward life.  

Life as a twin is a pretty cool thing—something that most people who are strangers to the experience would probably agree upon.  But, what most people do not realize is that life as a twin has just as many struggles as its good times.  In fact, twin-hood takes the whole notion of sibling rivalry to a whole new level—in my opinion anyway.  In the following blog, I will attempt to explain, without being too long, the ups and downs of living life as a twin, beginning with the positive aspects and following up with the struggles that most people do not understand; and perhaps my fellow peers who are twins—or triplets, or quadruplets, or quintuplets, etc.—might read along, vehemently agreeing while nodding their heads, to the notions of living life with “the other half.” 

Twins are quite an interesting phenomenon—monozygotic twins at that!  People generally seem to be overly excited when they discover their friend, coworker, or classmate is a twin.  I never really understood why people so often “freak out” when they learn that I have an identical twin.   I usually crack a slight smile or a chuckle when people exclaim, “there’s two of you?!”  Perhaps because I’ve grown up looking at a mirror image of myself, I don’t succumb to such novel ideas.  In fact, this is just normal to me—I even grew up asking other people “where’s your twin!?”  

Since we were young, Amy and I have engaged in our own unique conversations that could never be completely understood by a third party.  It began in toddler-hood with a language referred to as babbling.   For all you mommies and daddies of twins out there, I am sure you can attest to the fact that raising twins is easier than one might initially think, because the babies always have a companion to play with while you can tackle your daily responsibilities. And it continues well into adulthood. Although I do not see Amy that much anymore, it's a comforting fact to know that I always have someone to hang out with, even if we have grown apart over the years. 

On the surface, there are some really cool things about having a twin.  First and foremost, you get to play tricks on your teachers and classmates.  That's always a blast.  Second, we have a plethora of clothes and accessories to share with each other (although this generally turns into a fight more often than not).  Third, Amy and I have this sort of sixth sense--not that we can necessarily read each others thoughts, but we tend to get a gut feeling when the other is sad, had a bad dream (yes, we've actually woken up in the middle of the night to check on each other if one of use had a bad dream or even an eerie feeling), or is trying to communicate non-verbally. 

Consider sports for instance. In volleyball, Amy and I played in the front row together and we were called the twin towers (not sure how much weight that holds considering the attack on our nation).  Although I was often yelling at her because she was slightly out of position more often than not, we seemed to always dominate the best together at the most opportune moments.  The same applies to softball.  We shared this sense of twin-radar.  Being that I was a catcher who constantly made the calls on the field, Amy, who played center field, always knew exactly what I wanted even if I just gazed out toward her direction.  Some of our best plays were when she threw a rocket (she's literally the best center fielder I've ever seen) to me at home plate for the big out of the inning.  If any of my coaches are reading this, I'm hoping your are reliving the glory days.  

Aside from athletics, Amy and I also grew up with a love and passion for music. Although we were not blessed with an ear for harmony like our mother, our melodies blend together very well.  We sang the National Anthem for the athletic events in high school and were even honored with the amazing opportunity to sing for President Bush when he spoke to Monroe County at DTE power plant.

While growing up with an identical twin has a lot of perks, it also plays on your individuality and identity.  If I had a nickel for every time I was called "Twin," "Terrasi Twin," or "Amy-Beth," I'd be rich. I understand that we looked almost exactly alike when we were younger, but as we aged, we each took on our own unique physiques, characteristics, and personalities.  Yet, even today when a stranger or acquaintance says "Hey! You're one of the Terrasi Twins!" my annoying eyes often glaze over with a droned response such as "Yes, I'm Beth," while simultaneously thinking, I have a f*cking name. I know it's not their fault because they hardly know me, but after so long it gets exhausting. 

Which brings me to another point.  Just because we are twins does not mean that we have the same interests or career endeavors.  And this is perhaps the most difficult aspect of having a twin--and possibility one of my biggest life struggles thus far.  Yes, Amy is a nurse and is very successful.  I am proud to admit that over and over again.  But after so many inquiries such as "are you a nurse too?" or "well then what are you doing?" or "Oh! Amy has a house already? Where do you live?"  I begin to second guess my own success.  I know the intentions are never bad by those who ask, but I can't help but think that I am the twin who has not yet seen success--and, it's been a serious, extremely depressing struggle.  

Yes, I still live with my parents and barely have much money to my name.  I am attending graduate school with hopes of becoming a professor, knowing in the back of my mind that it's a difficult career to land.  I should have just went into the health field like Amy.  Then I'd be successful too. I realize that it's ineffective to constantly compare myself to Amy, but after growing up with a mirror image my entire life, there is an inherent competitive nature and tension between us.  When I look at my other half and constantly see happiness, success, and well-being, I can't help but think "what is wrong with me?"   And the same applies with the little, materialistic things: money, clothes, looks, hair, etc.  I am not a jealous or vindictive person by nature, but when I see that I'm generally the twin who takes second place, it detrimentally plays on my self-worth and confidence.  I know this is not at all the case because everyone has their own path to follow, but it's an automatic feeling--that, lately, tends to reoccur daily--that only those in my shoes might truly understand.

So, at this point in life, I sadly admit that Amy and I aren't as close today as what most people would consider identical twin sisters to be.  Perhaps our inborn competitive nature is the culprit, but sometimes I wish we were the best friends that are portrayed by twin siblings in the media--and, maybe several years down the road, we might reach that status. 

This is not to say I do not love my sister.  In fact, growing up, I was always very protective of Amy (I remember, like it was yesterday, practically choking and drowning in the lake in a hurried attempt to yell at the little boy who splashed my sister and threw sand in her eyes while she was innocently making a sand castle.  Like, who does that?!), and I still am.  While I am often very sarcastic and like to joke around with my sister, I am still the first person to step in when others cross the line--perhaps which has earned me the title for the "bad-ass twin."  "Listen, I am the only person who can make fun of my sister.  Got it?  Anybody with anything bad to say comes through me," is generally something I might say when sticking up for Amy.  If I'm really feeling ballsy, I might point my finger and yell some unnecessary obscenities.  And, I'm actually the younger of us twins.  Imagine that!  

So, although life as a twin is an inherent blessing from God, it has some struggles that most people would never understand.  I love my twin sister with all of my heart, but, like any other siblings, there's not a moment when I don't want to punch her in the face--whether in humor, sarcasm, or legitimate anger.  I guess that's how we know what true love really is.  Because only those people we truly love and care about are the ones who piss us off the most. 

Happy Blogging!

~ Elizabeth

The Missing Christmas Tree: Grinch or Good Samaratin?

The following story is something I posted last year, but one I have decided to re-post every Christmas season because of the lessons embedded within it.

The story is based on true events from last Christmas, and was published in the local newspaper.  It is a cute little reminder of what the true meaning of Christmas--and life, for that matter--really is.  Perhaps it's stories like this that we can all refer to when we need a gentle reminder of the things that truly matter in life.

............................


Every December seems to be a slow moving process getting into the Christmas Spirit for my family.  While nearly every household has already purchased and decorated a tree, wrapped gifts for the young and the old, baked and decorated cookies, and set up vibrant Christmas lights on their houses and landscapes, we’ve barely even made a dent in the season’s traditions. As you can imagine, attempting to fit in every customary ritual within the last week or two before Christmas becomes quite a stressful circumstance.  This year, exactly 10 days before Christmas, we decided to get started and finally ventured out to find the perfect tree.
 

After what seemed to be several hours of searching, and searching, and searching, we cut down the most perfect, round, and full evergreen to suit our beautiful, warm country home.  Upon arrival to our house, Mom and I were waiting inside the door, blanket lain down to protect the bamboo floor, for Dad to bring the tree up the front porch.  What happened next was not at all what any of us expected.  As the door immediately flung open—almost hitting Mom in the back of the head—Dad cried, “Mary Sue!  I have to go.  The tree is gone.  It must have fallen out of the bed of the truck.  It looks like the rope had broken.”  “It couldn’t be too far gone,” I said.  “I’m sure it’s somewhere on the side of the road.”

 After about a half hour, with darkness looming upon us, Dad returned with no luck.  “I can’t find it anywhere.  It’s getting too dark to see.”  After joining hands and asking for some Heavenly help, Mom and I decided to jump in the truck with Dad for a joint effort to find this tree.  With Dad looking straight, Mom looking left, and myself looking right—again in pure darkness, with no light but our headlights and the blanket of white snow on the ground—we drove several miles with no luck.  The shadow cast by overgrown weeds in low ditches appeared like the silhouette of an evergreen tree, so several times our hopes were surrendered. We were almost convinced that someone had come across it and took the tree for themselves.  “Some Grinch,” I said out loud.  “Who would do such a thing?”  

When a few minutes of silence passed, Mom suddenly sat up straight and said, “There’s a tree sitting there in the snow.” Dad and I assumed it was just a planted tree at the edge of someone’s driveway, but mom explained that it looked too lopsided to still be rooted into the ground.  To our surprise, as Dad slowly backed up, we could see the orange tag from the tree-farm still waiving in the wind.  Someone must have found it lying in the road and propped it up in the snow, particularly placing it with the orange tag facing the road.  When it seemed as if someone had stolen our Christmas tree, we were delighted to find that the Christmas spirit beamed bright in the heart of a good man—or woman, or both—on the wintery night of December 15^th.  

This humbling experience was a gentle reminder that Christmas is the season to give.  When spending copious amounts of money can often be stressful or burdensome, remember the acts of kindness that offer so much more than money can buy.  So, do something special for someone this Christmas. Write a nice letter.  Sing someone a song.  Shovel your neighbor’s driveway, or prop up a lost Christmas tree.  And simply, spend time with the ones you love.  Life is too short to be a Grinch.  So, the Terrasi family extends our gratitude to the Good Samaritan who found our tree and gave it a little love.  God bless you and your family, and may you truly have a very, Merry Christmas.