The seriously annoying problem with incessant stomach gurgling

We’ve all been in that common, yet embarrassing, situation before where our bodily functions take complete control and can’t even be silenced by super mental powers.

You know (no, not flatulence), when you’re sitting in a painfully silent room full of students, classmates, patients, or coworkers and your stomach rumbles as loud as a diesel engine.  It’s as if your belly is harboring a pterodactyl just screeching and clawing to get out.

Okay, so perhaps I’m exaggerating just a tad, but this is EXACTLY what it seems like in my case. 

I’ve never been legitimately diagnosed, but a friend once told me he thought I had Borborygmos, a condition involving audible and excessive abdominal sounds.  After perusing the internet for some time, Web MD had me convinced that was surely my problem.  

So today when I was helping supervise ACT testing in a room so utterly silent it was brutal, the somersaults in my belly were definitely distracting the poor students.  My God, belly, just SHUT UP.  

Even if I am not hungry, my stomach screams an angry language of its own.  So I’m sure you can imagine it’s elevated intensity when I actually am famished. 

And the crappy part? There’s nothing I can do about it! No amount of water, deep breaths, or hand-over-belly gestures can hide or silence this angry, imaginary creature rolling around inside of me.

This isn’t just any ordinary tummy rumbling, which we all know is embarrassing in and of itself.  I seriously might as well be walking around with a damn warning sign on my head regarding my inner and clearly audible tummy sloshing.   

Ah, so embarrassing.  And, even though most people have experienced this at one point or another, this is a constant, daily struggle.  Laughable, but definitely annoying…

Some people think it might be a side effect of my inability to burp (Go on, get a good laugh. I really CAN’T burp.  Never have once out loud in my post-infant life…).  So, it makes sense, I suppose. Kind of? 

You can imagine the hilarious glances that come my way (we’ve all gotten them) when people are in hearing distance of my inner pterodactyl screaming for attention.  And, trust me, you don’t have to be real close.  Wall-to-wall in a quiet room is still perfectly perceptible. 

We all know it can’t be helped, so why is such a condition so awkward and embarrassing?  Maybe it could be mistaken for flatulence, which then, would really suck.  

I guess our quirky bodily functions are something we’ll just have to laugh about.  After all, it makes you, well YOU, and me, ME!  

Happy Hump Dayyyyy 

~Elizabeth