The oxymorons of Grad School

If you don't remember Freshmen English class let me remind you what an Oxymoron is:  It is a figure of speech which juxtaposes two contradicting or opposing elements. Ironically, people happily accept them as normal english, when really, the two ideas juxtaposed are completely opposite, yet put together, create a seemingly mutual understanding among communicators.  Some examples include:

-Pretty ugly

-Big ant

-Cheerful pessimist

-Civil war

-Bitter sweet

-Alone together

-Cruel kindness

-Good grief

..... You get the idea.  This isn't meant to be another English Lesson so much as it is an explanation of the often contradicting feelings and experiences of graduate school.  

First and foremost, it's obviously been awhile since I've been able to publish regular posts, which alludes to the fact that I'm busy as hell with this graduate semester.  

But, grad school isn't as horrific as many people might hear or assume.  While there are times when I literally want to rip my hair out, have cried like a child, or have shot the air gun to my head in the middle of a large project or miserable classroom lecture, grad school has also provided me with some of my best experiences to date.

And if that's not an oxymoron of a young adult life, I don't know what else is.

Here are some of the facts--often contradicting ones--of  graduate life so far that I am confident any other graduate student will vehemently agree with:

1. No matter how much work you do, the written papers, the research, and the chapters to be read continue to pile up.  Your homework does not care about your sanity or your social life.  Period.  It wants to bury you.  

2.  As much as you might loathe your assignments and research, you simultaneously enjoy the subject at hand because it's of personal interest, as well as an investment toward resources to be used in your pending career. 

3.  You reach a point where you really just don't care about your academic performance. 

4.  Butttt at the same time you desire to earn good grades or significant evaluations from your professors--especially if you have a motivating professor, you WANT to put forth your best effort on that project you inherently loathe so much. 

5.  Your life becomes an incessant cycle of work/school (or both), extracurricular activities and exercise, constant homework, drinking for stress relief, and sleep--all of which you must personally decide how to divide up your time between them. Add in a significant other in the mix, and you've got one juggling act to follow.  

6. No matter how much sleep you get, you're tired.  Alllllll the time.  I am someone who values sleep, and although my nights are often full of fitful and restless sleep, I still try to be in bed with 8 hours before I am supposed to rise.  But, after constantly being on the go and frying my brain with research and insights regarding theoretical implications, I am just cognitively and emotionally drained with hardly any room for physical energy.  

7. As tired as you might be, you practically jump on ANY opportunity for social drinking or quality time with friends or significant others.  Because, let's face it.  It's practically one of your only forms of stress relief--especially when fitting in regular exercise at the local gym eventually becomes non-existent.  

8.  As much as you might curse your professors outside of the classroom or turn into the fire-breathing dragon as the stress continues to pile up, attending weekly classes is quite enjoyable--not necessarily because you like lecture or the path of crazy tangential stories your professors might journey down, but because you actually enjoy venting and joking about how much you and your classmates equally "hate" your current lives.  Identity management and meaning-making at its finest!!! (sorry, had to throw in some theory there...)

9. You begin to question your very motives and purpose for attending graduate school as you anxiously ponder how and if your hard work will ever pay for itself.  I mean, will this personal career goal even come to fruition? What happens if it doesnt?! Then what!!!!??? Ahhhh!!! Shit. Fuck.  Side mental note: Heyyy Daddd!  How bout supporting me for a few more years while I figure my life out, eh?!

10.  And even while #9 is constantly running through your mind, you also think you're the coolest person ever because, c'mon, you're getting your damn Masters Degree!  Like, when people ask me what I do for work and I explain that I'm pursuing a Masters Degree and they say something like, "oh cool" I just want to shake them and shout to them: "Duhhh! Of course it's cool.  I'm getting my fucking Masters Degree!  I'm smart, biotch.  I may not have a "job" like you yet, but I'll be successful, too!  One day...I think... Oh, shit.  (Annddd that's when #9 takes over again and at this point you're just literally cognitively incongruent and practically out of whack).

11. You pay an arm and a leg for grad school (college in general) which is said to be an investment toward your future, but, similar to the two notions above, as well as regarding the current state of our economy, you wonder if all that money toward a higher degree will even take care of itself. In my case, my ultimate endeavor to be a community college professor won't necessarily provide me with the financial stability that other careers might offer.  So does having a piece of paper stamped "Master of Arts" make up for that?? Not necessarily... 

12. If you provide outstanding written work or research analyses, you might actually become a published scholar!  How cool is that?!?! (Even if the only people reading it are fellow professors and grad students.  But hey!  That's a pretty line on a resume!)

13. Even amidst the crazy stress, grad school is a place to meet so many eclectic friends who become amazing support systems through the challenging journey toward your degree.  And, the professors and contacts you make on the ride become part of your networks for a lifetime--and that's something to smile about.  

The list could go on forever, and I'd love to hear any more stories from readers regarding their graduate experiences, or any other oxymorons of young-adulthood. 

Happy Hump Day!!!

Elizabeth