What [most] people will never understand about being an identical twin

If you don’t already know me or haven’t taken the prior opportunity to read my initial blog or my about me section, I have an identical twin sister, Amy.  Amy is a nurse, attending online classes part time to earn her bachelors of nursing, has her own house, brand new car, and is very successful.  Those who personally know us would probably admit that we are more different than we are alike, although we do possess many of the same qualities and attitudes toward life.  

Life as a twin is a pretty cool thing—something that most people who are strangers to the experience would probably agree upon.  But, what most people do not realize is that life as a twin has just as many struggles as its good times.  In fact, twin-hood takes the whole notion of sibling rivalry to a whole new level—in my opinion anyway.  In the following blog, I will attempt to explain, without being too long, the ups and downs of living life as a twin, beginning with the positive aspects and following up with the struggles that most people do not understand; and perhaps my fellow peers who are twins—or triplets, or quadruplets, or quintuplets, etc.—might read along, vehemently agreeing while nodding their heads, to the notions of living life with “the other half.” 

Twins are quite an interesting phenomenon—monozygotic twins at that!  People generally seem to be overly excited when they discover their friend, coworker, or classmate is a twin.  I never really understood why people so often “freak out” when they learn that I have an identical twin.   I usually crack a slight smile or a chuckle when people exclaim, “there’s two of you?!”  Perhaps because I’ve grown up looking at a mirror image of myself, I don’t succumb to such novel ideas.  In fact, this is just normal to me—I even grew up asking other people “where’s your twin!?”  

Since we were young, Amy and I have engaged in our own unique conversations that could never be completely understood by a third party.  It began in toddler-hood with a language referred to as babbling.   For all you mommies and daddies of twins out there, I am sure you can attest to the fact that raising twins is easier than one might initially think, because the babies always have a companion to play with while you can tackle your daily responsibilities. And it continues well into adulthood. Although I do not see Amy that much anymore, it's a comforting fact to know that I always have someone to hang out with, even if we have grown apart over the years. 

On the surface, there are some really cool things about having a twin.  First and foremost, you get to play tricks on your teachers and classmates.  That's always a blast.  Second, we have a plethora of clothes and accessories to share with each other (although this generally turns into a fight more often than not).  Third, Amy and I have this sort of sixth sense--not that we can necessarily read each others thoughts, but we tend to get a gut feeling when the other is sad, had a bad dream (yes, we've actually woken up in the middle of the night to check on each other if one of use had a bad dream or even an eerie feeling), or is trying to communicate non-verbally. 

Consider sports for instance. In volleyball, Amy and I played in the front row together and we were called the twin towers (not sure how much weight that holds considering the attack on our nation).  Although I was often yelling at her because she was slightly out of position more often than not, we seemed to always dominate the best together at the most opportune moments.  The same applies to softball.  We shared this sense of twin-radar.  Being that I was a catcher who constantly made the calls on the field, Amy, who played center field, always knew exactly what I wanted even if I just gazed out toward her direction.  Some of our best plays were when she threw a rocket (she's literally the best center fielder I've ever seen) to me at home plate for the big out of the inning.  If any of my coaches are reading this, I'm hoping your are reliving the glory days.  

Aside from athletics, Amy and I also grew up with a love and passion for music. Although we were not blessed with an ear for harmony like our mother, our melodies blend together very well.  We sang the National Anthem for the athletic events in high school and were even honored with the amazing opportunity to sing for President Bush when he spoke to Monroe County at DTE power plant.

While growing up with an identical twin has a lot of perks, it also plays on your individuality and identity.  If I had a nickel for every time I was called "Twin," "Terrasi Twin," or "Amy-Beth," I'd be rich. I understand that we looked almost exactly alike when we were younger, but as we aged, we each took on our own unique physiques, characteristics, and personalities.  Yet, even today when a stranger or acquaintance says "Hey! You're one of the Terrasi Twins!" my annoying eyes often glaze over with a droned response such as "Yes, I'm Beth," while simultaneously thinking, I have a f*cking name. I know it's not their fault because they hardly know me, but after so long it gets exhausting. 

Which brings me to another point.  Just because we are twins does not mean that we have the same interests or career endeavors.  And this is perhaps the most difficult aspect of having a twin--and possibility one of my biggest life struggles thus far.  Yes, Amy is a nurse and is very successful.  I am proud to admit that over and over again.  But after so many inquiries such as "are you a nurse too?" or "well then what are you doing?" or "Oh! Amy has a house already? Where do you live?"  I begin to second guess my own success.  I know the intentions are never bad by those who ask, but I can't help but think that I am the twin who has not yet seen success--and, it's been a serious, extremely depressing struggle.  

Yes, I still live with my parents and barely have much money to my name.  I am attending graduate school with hopes of becoming a professor, knowing in the back of my mind that it's a difficult career to land.  I should have just went into the health field like Amy.  Then I'd be successful too. I realize that it's ineffective to constantly compare myself to Amy, but after growing up with a mirror image my entire life, there is an inherent competitive nature and tension between us.  When I look at my other half and constantly see happiness, success, and well-being, I can't help but think "what is wrong with me?"   And the same applies with the little, materialistic things: money, clothes, looks, hair, etc.  I am not a jealous or vindictive person by nature, but when I see that I'm generally the twin who takes second place, it detrimentally plays on my self-worth and confidence.  I know this is not at all the case because everyone has their own path to follow, but it's an automatic feeling--that, lately, tends to reoccur daily--that only those in my shoes might truly understand.

So, at this point in life, I sadly admit that Amy and I aren't as close today as what most people would consider identical twin sisters to be.  Perhaps our inborn competitive nature is the culprit, but sometimes I wish we were the best friends that are portrayed by twin siblings in the media--and, maybe several years down the road, we might reach that status. 

This is not to say I do not love my sister.  In fact, growing up, I was always very protective of Amy (I remember, like it was yesterday, practically choking and drowning in the lake in a hurried attempt to yell at the little boy who splashed my sister and threw sand in her eyes while she was innocently making a sand castle.  Like, who does that?!), and I still am.  While I am often very sarcastic and like to joke around with my sister, I am still the first person to step in when others cross the line--perhaps which has earned me the title for the "bad-ass twin."  "Listen, I am the only person who can make fun of my sister.  Got it?  Anybody with anything bad to say comes through me," is generally something I might say when sticking up for Amy.  If I'm really feeling ballsy, I might point my finger and yell some unnecessary obscenities.  And, I'm actually the younger of us twins.  Imagine that!  

So, although life as a twin is an inherent blessing from God, it has some struggles that most people would never understand.  I love my twin sister with all of my heart, but, like any other siblings, there's not a moment when I don't want to punch her in the face--whether in humor, sarcasm, or legitimate anger.  I guess that's how we know what true love really is.  Because only those people we truly love and care about are the ones who piss us off the most. 

Happy Blogging!

~ Elizabeth