Why should AGE dictate personal success?

This morning I was scrolling through my Facebook Newsfeed as I often do when my body is still trying to muster up the energy to roll out of my comfortable Queen-sized bed.  This time, however, was a little different than usual.  

I stumbled across several friends’ statuses referring to upcoming birthdays (particularly the age of 25) and the fact that specific goals or accomplishments have not yet been reached.  I suddenly stopped and remembered when I felt exactly the same way just months ago, and there are days when I still do. 

Quarter life crisis?  Perhaps… 

Society has socially constructed a realistic timeline for when individuals should be reaching particular milestones in their lives and, for the most part, I think we’ve all generally tried to follow the timeline in this game called LIFE.  

At age 18, we graduate high school and are expected to either move on to college, trade school, or right into a job.  Between the ages of 21 and 24, we are expected to have a degree or certification, applying for jobs in our specified career path, or moving up in the job we landed right out of high school.  Then comes the ages of 25 – 30.  And by God, if we’re not in a serious relationship, engaged, or married, earning a steady income with baby number 1, 2, or 3 on the way, there’s something seriously wrong with us. 

 At least that’s what we’ve been brainwashed to think.  

That is why when I was approaching the big TWO-FIVE this past November, I was not a happy camper.  

My family was gathered around the table singing “Happy Birthday” to my twin sister and me, each of whom had our very own cake: homemade peanut butter and walnut brownie cake for me, and double-layered vanilla cake for sis.  Wide-eyed and bubbly as ever, you better believe Amy was ready to blow out those candles.   

Then there was me: still and stoic with a slight upward grin to the left, trying like hell to look delighted.  When my mother approached me later that night after all our guests had left, she asked me what was on my mind.  

“Look around, mom.  Nearly every single one of my peers has a full time job or is well into their career.  Marriages among my graduating class are spreading like wildfire and everybody’s popping out babies.  My own twin sister has an excellent job, a house, brand new car, and a serious relationship.  And here’s me: single, broke, jobless, and still living with mommy and daddy.”

“You’re in graduate school sweetheart!  You’re getting a Master’s degree!” 

“Yeah, knowing my dream career may not even come to fruition,” I said bleakly.  

“So, you’re on a different path.  A challenging one,” mom explained.

“More like a quarter life crisis.  I feel worthless,” I responded.  

I am sure you can imagine how the rest of the conversation unfolded, much like they always do every now and again.  For a very long time (and I still have my days), I was extremely depressed, and I’m sure my negative attitude was bringing down my friends and others around me.  I felt like people were judging me because I hadn’t yet reached my point of success.  

If I had a quarter for every time I heard people (strangers and acquaintances alike) ask, “Are you the nurse?!” and then ask in a seemingly patronizing way, “Well, what are YOU doing with YOUR life?” when I told them “no, that’s my sister; I am still in school” I could drop out of grad school and I’d be rich.

Perhaps I’d been over-analyzing such inquiries that were otherwise innocent in nature.  But, for those people who feel like you’re experiencing a quarter-life crisis, I can definitely relate to you.  It sucks. It really, really sucks.  

But here’s what I’ve decided.  I don’t like being depressed all the time.  I don’t like comparing myself to other people.  It turns me into a nasty, negative bitch.  I finally decided I am going to be happy.  

Yes, I am 25 years old. Yes, I still live with mommy and daddy. No, I don’t have a lot of money, but I’m also not going to punish myself or be a hermit in my room.  I’m going to go out with my friends—because, let’s face it, I have an AMAZING, eclectic mix of friends—and spend money on unforgettable experiences.  I know not to get carried away, but I also know I can’t take money with me when I die. 

 Who knows, maybe I’ll die tomorrow.  Do I want to go to my grave knowing I was a stubborn, overly-cautious, lonely, and depressed person?  Absolutely not! 

Here’s what I know:  I have the REST OF MY LIFE to work (as do all of you).  I have two or three more semesters of graduate school, and I am determined to land my dream job as a community college professor.   If not, I have faith that something will work out, and until then, I don’t want to worry too much about it anymore.  It’s too stressful!  Why get all worked up when tomorrow hasn’t even happened yet?

 So, I’m going to try like hell to maintain this state of mind.  And for all of you who feel like you’re in this particular rut, you should adopt this way of thinking, too. It’s a challenge, but it’s doable. It’s a CHOICE. 

So, is this really a quarter life crisis? Unless we’ve experienced a tragedy or hit rock-bottom, I guess it really just depends on our perspective.  And I’ve decided I want to maintain a positive perspective.  

Our time will come. With hard work, determination, patience, faith, and support of our loved ones, our time will surely come.  So take a good, hard look at that socially constructed timeline of success, and kick it right in the ass. 

The choice is yours.  Embrace your personal path, and be happy with it.  Life is too short to be angry all the time.  And nobody wants to be around a Negative Nancy, a Debbie Downer, or a Hostile Harry.  

Trust me, I've learned the hard way. 

xoxo ~Elizabeth